Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to On Purpose with Paul Peters. Today we're uncovering the passions, principles and divine guidance that leads to a meaningful life. You're watching now Media.
[00:00:08] Speaker B: Welcome to On Purpose. I'm your host, Paul Peters. And today we're exploring a journey that so many families face silently, the path from diagnosis to determination. Autism spectrum disorder affects millions of families, and yet so many caregivers feel alone, overwhelmed, and unsure of where to turn. My guests today are a remarkable family who have turned their challenges into a calling. Jennifer Harris is an attorney turned advocate who, after raising two children diagnosed with autism, dedicated her life to supporting intellectual and developmental disability community. Joining her are her children, Matthew, Noel, two extraordinary young adults whose stories of resilience and achievement will inspire you.
We're going to begin to talk about what is autism.
This segment is about autism and how it affects the families. Autism is a developmental disorder with symptoms that appear within the first three years of life. Its formal diagnostic name is Autism Spectrum Disorder. The word spectrum indicates autism appears in different forms with varying levels of severity. Each individual experiences their own unique strengths, symptoms, challenges. What we're going to talk about today is the journey that Jennifer and her children have gone through. So, Jennifer, I want to start with you, if you could basically talk about the journey that you went through prior to having your children, because I believe you were a district attorney up in New York.
[00:01:31] Speaker C: Yes, I started out my legal career working as a district attorney a prosecutor in New York State.
I did that for almost five years in two different counties.
And it was definitely an experience of a lifetime. It was really quite interesting. I learned a lot. I definitely learned trial skills, which were what I was looking to gain through that opportunity. And then I left criminal practice and went into civil litigation, civil defense litigation.
And I did that for another five years. And then I decided I wanted to have a family, I wanted to have my daughter.
And that just changed the course of everything, really.
[00:02:16] Speaker B: Can you talk about what? Did you have any knowledge of autism prior to the birth of your child?
[00:02:23] Speaker C: I had met one person with autism. And that is the expression, isn't it? If you know one person with autism, then you know exactly one person with autism, because everybody looks so different on the spectrum. And the person that I knew was through my church. And it was. I'll never forget it. I went into the bathroom, bathroom. And there was a mom in there who I didn't really know the mom real well, but I knew of her. And I. It was the first time I had seen her with her son and he was being extremely loud. And vocal, not really speaking coherently, but screaming more and seemed very distressed.
He was stimming, you know, and he was spinning around, and he looked very upset.
And so I think that is usually typically people's idea of autism.
And it's not necessarily what autism looks like for every person with autism. In fact, it's a smaller portion than you might think of people who are diagnosed with autism who actually appear to have those characteristics.
So I had very limited experience. I didn't even know what an intellectual versus developmental disability was prior to having my children.
So it was definitely like walking into a whole new world.
[00:03:55] Speaker B: Can you talk about when the birth of your daughter and then when you began to see things that were a little different? I know from being a parent myself, you have to go through those developmental testing, so kind of talk about that and what was the impact that had on you and your husband?
[00:04:12] Speaker C: So, interestingly enough, my daughter was actually diagnosed late in life.
Girls have masking abilities.
I mean, we all do masking. But it's very prevalent in females with autism to mask. And the symptoms aren't as noticeable until almost, I'd say, pre puberty or in the puberty stage. And then you start to really notice differences. So when my daughter was born, my husband and I thought.
We didn't really think anything, you know, as far as any type of a diagnosis or a label of any kind.
She had some medical health issues related to her heart, but nothing that we knew of developmentally.
It was really my son that was our first introduction into the autism world. We got his diagnosis when he was three years old, whereas Noel's diagnosis didn't come until she was 11.
So there was a huge difference as far as what it presented like in both of our children.
And also in. When we went and got the diagnosis for both of them. I knew as soon as Matthew was born that something was different.
He came out screaming, and it was so loud, I. I really thought he could have broken glass in. In the room.
And my husband and I both looked at the doctor and immediately said, what's wrong with him?
And that was like the beginning of the conversation of figuring out how to help Matthew.
[00:05:58] Speaker B: Yeah,
[00:05:58] Speaker C: from the moment he was born.
And honestly, Matthew, he didn't sleep through a single night until he was five years old, and we put him on medication for sleeping.
So that meant for the first five years of his life, he was functioning on three or four hours of sleep a night.
And so were we as parents. So it was definitely stressful.
And the conversation between my husband and I And what it was like for us was, wow, this is definitely not what we expected.
And we did a lot of praying.
[00:06:37] Speaker B: Yeah.
So a couple quick questions after that. At what point did you leave the legal field and just focus on the raising of your kids? Was that after Matthew?
[00:06:50] Speaker C: No, actually I had left the practice of law after 9 11.
I had my daughter and I did try to work for a year. I was living in Connecticut and commuting into New York City using the Metro North.
My law office was in downtown Manhattan. The last stop, Bowling Green.
And the going back and forth. Initially I started off with daycare and I hated it. The Metro north broke down more times than I could count that year and as a result of that I was late to daycare and getting fined like crazy. Not to mention very stressed when I was sitting on a train track and unable to, you know, even get to my car to go pick her up.
Then we tried having a live in nanny and livin didn't sleep in our house but was basically there from the time that Noel woke up until the time she went to bed.
And that wasn't a great experience either. And the Lord just really placed it on my heart that I wanted to be home with her.
I really felt like I wasn't doing either job well when I was at work I was thinking about her and when I was home with her there were times I was getting calls from work and worrying about cases at work and how I was going to make the schedule work if I was going to be on trial. And I just really reached the point where being a trial attorney and taking care of my daughter, something had to give.
[00:08:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:19] Speaker C: And I wasn't able to do both of them well. And that is really important to me that I do a good job.
So I decided, you know, we prayed about it and the Lord opened up the opportunity for my husband, he was at Citigroup at the time to come and join bank of America. And they gave us the sweetest deal. It was definitely a gift of God. When I made up the gave up my control and said okay, I am willing to finally do this and give up what I thought, what I always wanted. The Lord gave me something so much better.
So it really worked out. We moved down here and within two we had a house built. And so there was a few months that my daughter and I and my husband lived in a corporate apartment while the house was being built and we moved into our house and within two weeks of moving into our house I found out that I was pregnant with Matthew. So The Lord had a plan in place. He knew all along that I would need to be at home.
[00:09:16] Speaker B: Interesting. You've heard the herd, the term is when God closes one door, he opens a window. And. And so you went from being an attorney to being a full time mom raising two children with autism.
And I heard you mention that, you know, you just felt like God was redirecting you.
Can you talk about that? Redirection of what I would call a calling from the aspirations of being an attorney. And I don't know what that looked like for you in regards to you when you were younger. Like I'm gonna, you know, be a DA and you know, conquer the world. And now you're at home raising two kids. And we're gonna talk about the amazing success you have had as a parent.
Because one of the things that I identify, cause I've got kids myself, we look at how our children turn out, which is a reflection of how did we do as a parent. And I'm so excited about celebrating your children's success as we get into the segment. But talk about that because it's completely different calling to go from legal, which is very intense, to parenting not only two children, but two children with some challenges. So talk about that.
[00:10:24] Speaker C: Yeah, it was definitely a God thing.
I was never planning on getting married.
That was like not in my big plan for my life. And then the Lord brought my husband and that changed things.
And I was certainly never going to be having kids because there was definitely no room for that in my life. I had basically set up my life that I went to college immediately, immediately after I went to law school, immediately after I started as a district attorney.
And I just continued going from there, working toward that big corner office. Can you
[00:11:00] Speaker B: hold that thought for one thing? We will be right back after this segment.
[00:11:03] Speaker A: Right back with more stories and insights to help you discover your calling and live with purpose. This is On Purpose with Paul Peters on NOW Media Television.
I'm Paul Peters and you're watching On Purpose with Paul Paul Peters on NOW Media Television. Let's continue the journey towards your best life.
[00:11:20] Speaker B: We are back with Jennifer Harris and her son Matthew and talking about what it's like to go from one calling to another calling, being a parent of children with autism. So Jennifer, I want you to pick back up in what you were talking about the decision you made to be a full time parent and the challenges that you had.
[00:11:38] Speaker C: Well, I was in a Bible study at that time with some women from my church and, and a lot of them were, had been Stay at home moms.
I think there was only one other woman other than myself who was actually working at that time.
And they had encouraged me to stay home. And I just really couldn't comprehend giving up everything that I had felt. I had wanted for my life to just stay at home.
But the more and more obstacles that came up, the Lord just put up a longing in my heart to be with her, to be able to be home with her.
[00:12:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:20] Speaker C: And the more things that happened, the more times the train broke down or the more late pickups that happened, or the times when I got stuck being on a trial and really wanted to be home with her because she wasn't feeling well and I had to leave her.
Or the time I was in a deposition and the phone call came that she wasn't taking the formula. I had switched formulas and she taking it and I had to bust the deposition and walk out and, you know, immediately leave. I was in the Bronx at the time and I had to get on a train and get back up to Connecticut, get to my car so I could get to her at her daycare after stopping, you know, at our house to pick up something different for her. But all of these moments really led me to the, to the conclusion that there is no flow in my life. When I am at home with her, I'm stressed about work and when I'm at work, I'm stressed about her. And the Lord just increased the desire more and more and it really became a no brainer at the end. It wasn't like I was leaving something, I was running towards something.
[00:13:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:28] Speaker C: So it was, it was an easy decision in the end.
[00:13:31] Speaker B: Yeah. It's interesting, there's a Bible verse that says the Lord will give us the desires of our heart. And God shifted that career choice in regards to the commitment to your children. So talk about once you were a full time mom working and Matthew is born. Because I want to talk about Matthew. What are some of the challenges that you had? Because you said that Matthew presented some difficulties and challenges that you were helped. Helped him work through.
[00:13:57] Speaker C: Wow. Yeah, he definitely presented some challenges.
He was a great child as far as personality. When he was on and doing well, he was happy, he was smiling, he was loving, very engaging, never stopped moving.
But it became very apparent very quickly that socially there was going to be a lot of difficulties for him.
The communication being the first part of that that brought out behaviors, not being able to communicate.
[00:14:33] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:34] Speaker C: You know, right away. We were told by the time he was two that he was not where he should be developmentally with his speech.
And I didn't want to accept that.
So she basically, the pediatrician sent us away for six months and said, I'll give you six months. But if he comes back at two years and six months at the checkup and he's not talking, I can't understand anything that he's saying, then he has to go to speech.
And I don't really know exactly why I was so resistant to that, but I was.
And I thought, we're going to work on this and I'm going to get him where he needs to be in that six months. It did not happen.
So I came back and sure enough, she gave us a speech referral. And the speech referral, they got with him and started working with him and said, there's more going on here.
I'd like him to see an occupational therapist. Got to the occupational therapist by the time he was three.
And that person basically said the same thing. There's more going on here than sensory processing.
Dysregulation.
[00:15:38] Speaker B: Yeah,
[00:15:39] Speaker C: I'd like you to see somebody. And that's when we got the autism diagnosis.
And it affected pretty much every aspect of our life from him. Eating, sleeping, playing with others, relating just to his sister, cooperating.
There wasn't any aspect of our life that wasn't, you know, going to a restaurant, impossible.
Going to a birthday party, impossible. Going to the playgroup in our neighborhood, we got kicked out of it.
There really wasn't anywhere that we could go.
And that Matthew had a place to belong.
It was all too much for him.
[00:16:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:25] Speaker C: And that was, you know, it was difficult for my daughter, who wanted to be a lot more social and do things. It was obviously difficult for me finding things to keep him busy in home all the time. And really, I knew that it was important for him to get out of the home.
[00:16:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:41] Speaker C: Because life wasn't going to happen just in our home, and he had to learn how to get out of our home.
A big part that really started to change things was when we did get services and we got additional interventions like ABA therapy. And those were game changers for us. But speech ot, ABA therapy, seeing a psychiatrist, getting properly medicated, those were all the things that we worked through to get Matthew where he is today. And it was definitely a process.
And it wasn't always a linear process. And oftentimes it involved going forward and then going backward, several steps back.
So
[00:17:26] Speaker B: we'll talk about. And Matthew, you're coming up. I want you to speak on your memory, but as a parent you know, when you identifying certain things that just didn't make sense to you. And of course the doctors and the therapists basically recognized that, you know, after you probably had a test to determine autism, that your son and later your daughter were identified as having a diagnosis of autism. What are some of the symptoms that you noticed that were confirmed with the therapist and the doctor? Because a lot of parents are, you know, those couple years are like, want to make sure developmentally everything's fine. And you got the, you know, you got some answers that like, well, no, developmentally things are not fine. And so what are some of the symptoms or things that you began to observe that kind of run in the, the realm of the autism spectrum? Because just, and I think, you know, this, I have a son that I adopted who has autism. He is more severe, non verbal, a lot of behavioral issues, does have seizures, which often comes with autism. So a lot of parents are wondering, you know, how is autism different and how does it manifest in regards to symptoms?
Because one of the things that's interesting, the diagnosis of autism is not a determination of how your life will turn out. Because we are soon going to see that Matthew's life as of right now is doing amazing. And we're going to talk about some historical figures that many people may not know who have autism have been very successful in life. And so I think when I look at your story, both of you and your daughters included, it is a success story. How to overcome challenges and really advocate for your children to be the best of who they are, given some of the challenges that they face. So I want you to kind of talk about some of the symptoms that typically go with autism. And then Matthew, I want you to talk in the next segment about what you remember growing up. And we're kind of kind of walk the audience through that process for you. So Jennifer, you can kind of talk about some of the symptoms.
[00:19:33] Speaker C: Well, almost always in order to have a diagnosis of autism, there is a communication element to it.
As you mentioned, some people can be non verbal and it's important to recognize that nonverbal does not mean non thinking.
Just because you can't speak doesn't mean that you don't have thoughts and important thoughts to share. There are a lot of people on the spectrum who cannot communicate at all verbally, but they have a lot to say and they do that with different devices that they can use now to help with speech. And that's fantastic that we have that.
But there was always a component for Matthew. There was definitely the component of Being hit on intelligible speech.
He used basically vowels, very few consonants.
My daughter, amazingly, was able to understand him somehow. She was his little interpreter, but nobody else could.
And that was a real problem. And it led to a lot of behaviors because obviously he had things he needed to tell us and wanted to express. He had needs to express, and we were just unable to understand. So communication is a big part of an autism diagnosis.
Another part of the autism diagnosis is social.
Social interaction. And how are you able to relate socially?
Some people with autism can be very social. My son is very social.
My daughter, on the other hand, is not as social.
That is an area that I find that she struggles with more than he does.
Not necessarily that being unsocial or less social is even totally a strug. It's. It's just a different. A different way of relating.
Matthew does really well in a crowd and Noel does not. I mean, she would much prefer to be with somebody one on one. So the children are just very different. And I think that can be said with all people with autism. But there is a component of being able to socialize where certain things are just understood from neurotypical people. But people with an autism brain, it's harder for them to understand.
So a lot of times they have very concrete thinking. Things are in very black and white for them, not very many shades of gray. Mean what you say and mean it exactly. Because if you kind of are using a nuance or sarcasm or joking, it can be missed for them.
They tend to need things to be spelled out a lot more clearly.
And again, it's different for every person.
[00:22:18] Speaker B: And
[00:22:18] Speaker C: then I think there's a lot of sensory issues that go along with it too.
Different people on the spectrum experience sensory experiences differently. Some people can't stand certain types of clothing, food, texture, sound. Sound is a big one for my daughter.
She's very sound sensitive.
My son not sound sensitive at all.
So, you know, he makes all the sound very loud.
[00:22:49] Speaker B: Yeah,
[00:22:50] Speaker C: she's very quiet. But there are a lot of things that when you start to notice it, you start to see that the world is really designed for, let's say, people who.
It's a square peg and they're, you know, it's a square hole and they're a square peg and it's going to fit.
And when you take a person with autism, it's the round peg trying to fit into a square hole.
And it's. It's difficult. It's very difficult for them.
[00:23:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:20] Speaker C: And I think that one of the important things that I want people to understand is that it is really difficult for them. It's not a switch that can be flipped. It's not something that can automatically be changed.
But what can be changed is the way that we invite them, accept them, accommodate them.
[00:23:41] Speaker B: Well, we will be right back after this segment. And Matthew, you're coming right up
[00:23:45] Speaker A: right back with more stories and insights to help you discover your calling and live with purpose. This is On Purpose with Paul Peters on NOW Media Television.
I'm Paul Peters and you're watching On Purpose with Paul Peters on NOW Media Television. Let's continue the journey towards your best life.
[00:24:02] Speaker B: Welcome back. We're continuing our conversation with the Harris family. Matthew Harris just finished his second year in Brevard College. And so I want to talk with you, Matthew, because one of the things that your mom had mentioned on the last segment and a lot of people don't understand what autism is and the spectrum and why it's called an autism spectrum, it's primarily because certain symptoms occur and are seen in different ways. Some people, for example, my son who has severe autism is non verbal, has behaviors, has limited functioning level in regards to what he's able to accomplish. And so then you have other people who are like Matthew, very high functioning, independent, is able to work and do different things. And so one of the things that Jennifer was alluding to is the neurotypical children who do not have autism versus those who have autism. And autism typically affects the brain. And some of the things that are manifest are the sensory processing, communication, social.
So the brain, which is like the ultimate computer, has issues as information comes into it, it processes it. And some with autism have challenges with that processing. So I mentioned to Matthew on the break that every one of us, if we're going to be successful in life, have to have mentors or coaches. I myself, being the youngest of six in an abusive home, became successful because God put in my life mentors to help me make the right decisions. And Matthew, in your life, I your mom being mom and dad being your biggest advocate, you've had coaches, I call these coaches, your therapist, your doctor. So talk about what life was like growing up in your home and some of the challenges that you faced.
[00:25:43] Speaker D: Yeah, so you're absolutely right. God has placed incredible coaches in my life, my mom being an amazing one of them, ABA therapists like Josh, I think that, well, I know that they made a massive difference in helping me and I have been incredibly blessed by that. And I think a long time I spent fighting the system, not working with the system and I think that around my senior year of high school, once I started working with the system a little bit and accepting that coaching and accepting that help, it made a very massive difference. And just my mom's incredible dedication. I couldn't really articulate or speak until I was nine years old. Reading was incredibly difficult.
Writing was, I mean, awful. It was horrendous. Now I'm a writing tutor, which is interesting. And it's just been an amazing journey. It's been an amazing opportunity to give this testimony to God. And you'll hear me say this more than once, if you know me. The hard work of man means nothing without the blessing of God.
So I attribute a lot to him as well.
[00:26:56] Speaker B: Yeah. What is your. Your earliest memory of some of the things that you experienced growing up?
[00:27:04] Speaker D: There was one time that my parents wanted me to nap as a child, and I always hated napping. I had serious FOMO fear of missing out.
And so she brought me into her bed and she would have to hold me down on the bed, like strapping me to the bed to get me to not move and run away so I'd be able to sleep. And I was kicking and screaming because I didn't want to fall asleep. And then I think it was about 20ish minutes and I finally just passed out and fell asleep. And when I woke up, I started screaming horrendously because I was just so upset that my mom won and I fell asleep, even though I needed to sleep. And, yeah, I mean, it's just very different. It's difficult growing up to be someone and be told you need to be more and try to fit into a box that it's a lot more difficult for you to fit into.
[00:28:01] Speaker B: Yeah. And so I don't know, Jennifer, did your kids attend public school, private school, or were they homeschooled?
[00:28:09] Speaker C: Well, that's a combination answer for both.
I really thought Matthew belonged at a public school school with people who are more qualified to teach him than me because I had no experience with special needs and certainly not autism.
And I didn't feel that I was really the right person to help him tackle the difficulties that were ahead of him, you know, work with those struggles that he was going to have. I didn't know at that time that he had dysgraphia. I didn't know at that time that he had ADHD or a cognitive processing delay or these types of things. But I knew that. I really felt like it was more than I could do. And so I thought the better place to put him would be with the public school system, with professionals who are trained in that.
And that was very eye openening for me because at that time I had already made the decision through God's calling, to homeschool my daughter. And I was homeschooling her. And I started out homeschooling her from the time that she was 433 4. She went to preschool for a little bit, and then after that she didn't go back to school until she got accepted in an early college program. And she did the last four years of high school earning her associate's degree at the same time.
So I kept her at home all that time. But I started out with Matthew in public school, and that was another area of my life where the Lord really had to hit me over the head with a brick. And I feel like this was one of the areas that I failed Matthew in. And it was really based out of fear. I was really afraid to homeschool Matthew, and I thought it would be more than I could handle.
But I have learned that there's nothing you can't handle when God is with you. And it's what he's called you to do. He will equip you.
And through some very difficult circumstances, resulting in a lawsuit against Union County Public Schools, I did withdraw Matthew from public school. And I made the decision. And with God's help, I homeschooled him. And I did that with him through him. His last year of high school, he took some welding classes at Rowan Cabarrus Community College, but he finished out the last.
I think the only thing he had left by the time he was in 12th grade was English, So he was doing English, Bible and doing welding.
And so it was a mixture. It was a mixture and it was. I wish I had started out homeschooling him like I had done with Noel, but fear held me back. Fear and a lack of faith.
[00:31:00] Speaker B: Yeah. So, Matthew, you were in public school from when to when? What grades?
[00:31:06] Speaker D: I left around fifth grade, before third. Wow.
[00:31:10] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:31:11] Speaker D: Before I ever entered middle school, it was. It was challenging.
[00:31:16] Speaker B: Gotcha.
[00:31:16] Speaker C: He. He actually left at the end of third grade, but we ended up repeating third grade at home. So.
[00:31:23] Speaker B: And what, what do you remember about public school?
[00:31:28] Speaker D: I remember I hated going. I remember fighting it 100% all the way. I remember serious behavioral aggressive things that would happen when you don't want to go somewhere and then you're forced to go somewhere. As someone with autism, it's not a great environment for learning.
[00:31:50] Speaker B: Yeah. So let me go ahead. Jennifer.
[00:31:53] Speaker C: I was just going to say that unfortunately, we have this idea that if you have children with special needs, that they have individualized education plans for these children. They call them iep.
And the thing is, is that no school can really individualize your child's education to what they need when they have 30 other students in that class, it's just not possible.
I definitely think public school works for some children and it's a good fit.
And I definitely think it doesn't work for others.
And it clearly was not going to work for Matthew.
It wasn't just one school.
We had tried a private school. We started him out in a private Christian school that had expelled him and then, you know, they moved him to another school that expelled him and then they put him into a special program that I ended up having to withdraw him from and sue them because they weren't providing the individualized education plan that they had said that they would provide.
And I think that advocacy for your children, if there's one thing I can say that is carried over from my career into my role as a parent, is advocacy. I'm really thankful that I had those skills. I imagine it's very difficult for parents who do not stepping into that kind of role and learning to really advocate for your child.
And I really think that if you're going to have your children in public school, that is, you know, get help, definitely get help advocating for your children because they will take advantage of you. They will not do what's right for your child.
They will cut corners.
They will do everything they can to provide the bare minimum of what they can get by with.
And if you're not holding them accountable, if you are not enforcing the law and making sure that they provide for your child, what your child specifically needs, it's not going to happen.
[00:33:58] Speaker B: Sure. Yeah. Well, we're going to be right back after this segment.
[00:34:02] Speaker A: Right back with more stories and insights to help you discover your calling and live with purpose. This is On Purpose with Paul Peters on NOW Media Television.
I'm Paul Peters and you're watching On Purpose with Paul Peters on NOW Media Television. Let's continue the journey towards your best life.
[00:34:19] Speaker B: Welcome back to on purpose. We are here with Jennifer and Matthew Harris and they're telling about, telling us about their journey. So, Matthew, I want you to talk about because, you know, I want you to share what you're currently doing and some things your mom alluded to when you were younger, some of the challenges that you had with not being able to communicate, not being able to sleep, some behavioral things in regards to screaming Some other things that you may have done when you were younger and through the coaching and mentoring of professionals that were able to support you.
You're now what I would consider at your age. I believe you said you were 19, you're in college. So I want you to kind of talk about what you're doing now.
[00:34:59] Speaker D: Yes, sir. So I am currently out at Brevard College attaining my bachelor's degree and I am on the second semester of my sophomore year. I tutor in writing and English and then I also run competitive collegiately for the cross country team as well as the track team.
I major in wilderness leadership and experiential education and I have a minor in creative writing and one in business.
And that has just been an incredible experience. Being at college, I've thankfully, praise God, made a lot of friends and have a really good support group there that I'm very thankful for through the Christ Club, a local church that's out there and through my athletic team. I know a lot of people through that as well. So I definitely have a good support group out there and friends and the professors there are nice and I get along well with them. So I'm very thankful for that.
[00:35:57] Speaker B: Yeah. There's one of my favorite verses, Jeremiah 29:11, it says, I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, to give you a hope in the future and you have come so far and I want you to kind of talk and Jennifer definitely provide your comments to this because you went from where you were and here you are now on the journey to get to where what I would consider a hope and a future and a successful plan that got. How did you get there? Tell me, what are the things that took place to get you where you're at?
[00:36:29] Speaker D: It's really God's divine plan. I swore for years I would never go to college. I wanted to drop out of high school for a very long time and contemplating tentatively attaining my master's degree and going for that after I graduate with my bachelor's. But it's really been God providing those sparks in my life here and there to draw me to, I think the purpose that he has for me. And I just have to stop fighting that, fighting the system, fighting God. And I've given into that coaching, that mentorship. On my senior year of high school, my mom had me do the welding program and that was at a local community college. And that brought me to the understanding that I could probably survive at a four year college and get my bachelor's degree and I swore I would Never go to college in large part because I didn't think I could handle it. I struggled through a lot of schooling and I have been pleasantly surprised actually, how well I've been doing academically at Brevard College. I did not think I would be maintaining a 4.0 GPA, which is now a 3.992, I want to say, because I've got one A minus now, but it's been incredible. I never thought it'd be so easily the cross country athletics. I've been doing astronomically well.
I have the second fastest time on my team right now and I've been getting awards for sportsmanship, which is to me always just a great opportunity to give glory to God because it's truly not of me, but his work in me and through me.
[00:38:05] Speaker B: I'm going to ask you both a tough question because I can just imagine, Jennifer as a parent and Matthew as, you know, as a young man, did you ever ask the question, why did this happen to me?
[00:38:21] Speaker D: Yeah, so that's actually been, that's come up in my prayer life more than once of why do I have autism? Why wouldn't I just be born normally without the cognitive difficulties? And it's certainly been difficult. I don't like to speak about these things much because I've spent and a large part of my life, praise be to God, that I can, running from that and running to his new purpose that he has for me. And often I can get by without people knowing that I have autism unless they know the signs and they can look for the symptoms.
But when I was younger, I was extremely violent. I've broken noses, I've broken wrists, I punched, bit, kicked, screamed, just about everyone.
So, I mean, God has brought me an incredibly long ways and I lost my train of thinking.
[00:39:18] Speaker B: Yeah,
[00:39:20] Speaker C: you know, I, I would just add to that that, you know, I, I've asked, you know, not only do I, why do I have one, but I have two children on the spectrum.
And the Lord has really shown me that I, I don't know what his plan in it is for them, but for me it was to teach me that I needed to fully rely on Him.
[00:39:45] Speaker D: And that brings me back to my thought, the reason. So I've asked God a lot, why would he give me this? Would I not be better equipped, better able to serve God without these difficulties, without these struggles. I've often thought how much farther ahead I could be if I didn't have these struggles and what a better job I could do serving God if I didn't have them. And I think ultimately I have to trust his judgment. But it is an incredible testimony to him. And the difficulties in my overcoming them are what allow me to be on shows like this and give glory to him. And at the end of the day, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, submit to him him, and he will make your path straight. And so I know he has a plan for me. And even though I don't know why necessarily I have been placed with these difficulties, I know that, like Paul had his own difficulties, God will use it for the good of those who love him and for their betterment.
[00:40:55] Speaker B: Well, amazing answers. And you quoted one of my favorite verses and I wanted, I wanted you to answer that question because often when we're faced with challenges, a disability, a diagnosis, we question why did this happen? And I go to two passages in the scripture. One is the story of Joseph, who was enslaved, falsely accused, and all that served a purpose because later on he became second in command over Egypt and was able to make some key influential decisions. The other one is when Pharisees asked Jesus, why was this man born blind?
And Jesus said, it's so that the Father would be glorified. I think with your story coming from where you began, with some of the challenges to where you're at now, very successful. You're so well spoken and you have overcome so much. And I'm so pleased because you're giving God the glory in that. Because we don't always understand why things happen, but we recognize that God has a plan and a purpose. Hence Jeremiah 29:11. And you're basically, and Jennifer, you too, you're surrendering to what God is going to do in your life now and in the future.
So talk to me in the audience about what are some of your goals.
[00:42:12] Speaker D: So I have a lot of goals, but I think the easier thing to speak of would be my hard set goals.
Right now I have the second fastest time on the cross country team, which is 28 minutes and 10 seconds for an 8K, which is roughly five miles.
I would like to by my senior year be breaking bare minimum 27 minutes for five miles, which would put me in the 26 minute range, which is about a minute off from qualifying for nationals. That'd be awesome if I could. But I'm gonna set my goal just so I a little bit more attainable, which that puts me around 5 minutes and 20ish seconds per mile for 5 miles. I want to say is my goal for running Academically, I would like to maintain and graduate with a GPA at or above 3.7.
And I would really like to, as a soft goal, grow in my relationship with the Lord and to seek him and his dwelling place and to grow in my knowledge of him and His. My knowledge of His Word.
[00:43:22] Speaker B: That is phenomenal. My best time when I was a runner for The Maya was 5 minutes and 23 seconds. I, I comm. That is incredible to have that pace at five miles. So and so I want to ask you, for somebody who has lived through what autism is about, you have embraced that and made it your own. What recommendation advice would you give to somebody who is younger, who is struggling with some of the challenges? What recommendation advice would you give them
[00:43:53] Speaker D: to someone my age?
I would say it's been incredible to have my mother and these great, amazing people in my life and these great coaches, and they were instrumental to me. But you have to give into the system. They can only bring you about a third of the way, the last two thirds. You have to accept their teaching, you have to accept their instruction and their discipline and embrace it as a tool that is for your betterment and for your good. And you really have to meet them halfway, if not more, because at the end of the day, you are responsible for your own progress. And when that progress seems slow, you have to trust in the Lord and recognize that the hard work of man means nothing without the blessing of the Almighty. But it certainly means nothing if you don't put in the work. God will not bless a sluggard. You have to seek, you have to push yourself in these struggles. They are struggles. You're going to have to put in more effort than the average person would. And I was behind for so many years. I think feeling behind like that has helped me to some degree start to get ahead because as other people have been resting, because they don't have to go as far as I recognized the distance that I had and I started running that distance and I've kept running it. I haven't slowed down on trying to develop myself and pursue that discipline and that instruction and overcome these difficulties. And that perception in my brain of being behind, I think really helped me actually to some degree get ahead. And now I'm tutoring others in English. When for years I couldn't write, couldn't read, I could hardly speak, I would resist that system. I didn't want to work with it. I didn't value that discipline and that instruction.
So you have to turn your ear towards the discipline and wisdom of those that are more knowledgeable than you and have lived longer.
[00:46:01] Speaker B: That's awesome. Well, Matthew and Jennifer, thank you so much for joining the show. I believe that your story will be a testimony to so many. Thank you so much.
